Love

I have no doubt in my mind that when I say love is masochistic, people would to think that I am a bitter and dejected man who sees the glass half empty. Well, they would be half right if not mostly right. But this isn’t the opening line to a sob story of love lost, that would be cliché at best and above all else rather pathetic because it’s not like there was something horrible that happened. No one died in a tragic fashion, although I will admit that I wished someone did to make all the bullshit seem worth it. Or maybe it was the death of a mindset or a personal ideal, something so close to your heart that when it goes it rips off a piece of your beating, pumping organ like a fixture adhered to a wooden wall. And let me tell you, there are bound to be splinters any which way you look at it.

But other than personal experience, the best kind of experience, this assessment comes from the observations made in hopes of easing a pain I had a few years ago. It is incredible what people will do for each other, for this strange many limbed creature called love. We suddenly find someone with the right chemistry, the right look and then we begin to do things foreign and strange to us for the sake of someone else rather than ourselves. And to make matters worse, we consider this behavior natural. Natural! As if a sudden shift in personality and heavy dependance that could develop in such a way that without it we may shrivel up and DIE (physically or metaphorically, take your pick) is just run of the mill! It’s ludicrous! It’s insane! It’s the reason those foul tasting Sweetheart candies from NECCO make a profit in this country! And before you stop me, have you ever had any of those sugary abominations? Once the taste of dry and dead glucose wrings your tongue of feeling then I’m sure you will understand some of what I am talking about.

So what was I talking about? Ah yes, love. Love, love, love, love, love. Love is what makes sane people go mad with a pantheon of different emotional outcomes. Love can be the reason for living or love can be the reason you are dead, face down in a gutter somewhere. But that might be a little too much, I’m getting ahead of myself. But to get back on point there is a sort of strangeness to love when it comes to making people act. To be willing to go the extra mile for someone, to care so much for another living soul that you would break your back twice for them. That is inspiring, but oh so very insane. But in a good way. Can you be insane in a good way? Is that possible? I’m getting off topic again, let me move this along. I miss having a high rise bed. AH DAMN IT MAN, GET IT TOGETHER!

I have witnessed love, I have seen how it acts and behaves and I have seen various species of the creature. I have seen large imposing men reduced to soft-spoken teddy bears in the presence of the woman he had found himself with while others playfully grope and fondle each other as if they were children playing some sort of game. I have also seen it be the glue that keeps a bickering and loud couple together despite that they might truly hate each other. It is a miracle, something that can’t be replicated for cheap, something that should never have a price-tag and something that should be cherished no matter what kind of love it might be. But I am not convinced that it is still something that won’t hurt you. I am almost convinced that there will always be some level of hurt involved with love whether you want it or not.

Whether it is insanity or some mental phenomenon caused by a storm of hormones, I am not sure and I have no intention of knowing exactly. Savoring the mystery as it were. But it is clear that we hurt ourselves for those moments of bliss that come with it. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, whatever we can scrape together for it, for that sweet fleeting feeling that the other person on the other end of this diabolical arrangement will accept us and reciprocate those same feelings. When it all comes together as some sort of calm wave and if just for that moment, everything is right with the world. For this and nothing else, I see people exhibit symptoms of what I might consider bipolar disorder. But again, I may be acting out of bounds here. We say it’s normal, or perhaps it’s more normal than most things in life. I’ll go with the latter.

But what makes it OK to hurt ourselves for the sake of emotion, or any reason at all? If we jump right off a cliff, break all our bones, wait a year for everything heal up and then decide to do it again once you can get the chance, what makes this a sound decision? It doesn’t, nothing justifies this example just as it doesn’t justify hurting ourselves for the sake of love. That is what takes a positive force in the universe and turns it into something wretched and cruel, like abusing one’s love for self-serving purposes (Although the pimps and sweet talkers of the world are probably very smart, that doesn’t justify what they do as right. Love and intelligence, what a terrible combination.)

When I see someone who bends over backwards or has a complete personality change, I see someone so involved in their relationship that they are more times than not refusing to see anything else. More specifically, themselves. I will say this once and get it out there, a relationship should never, never, never be the sole reason for personal happiness. Because something two people do together isn’t personal. Personal involves ONE and only ONE person. When it’s two people being intimate, then that’s what I would call a partnership. And when it comes to partnerships, you don’t go in with nothing. That is rude, negligent and above all naive. When someone says you have to love yourself before you love another, they aren’t saying that to be mystical or Dr. Phil. They are saying that for your own PERSONAL well being.

No one will be able to help you the same way you can help yourself. That’s why I find it so important to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of what I need to for myself and no one else. Because no one in their right mind would want to partner up with someone weighted down with personal crap and no desire to acknowledge those issues. That’s just someone who is childishly trying to shove all its toys in the closet instead of picking them up. But I am not stupid enough to say that there are people who are not messed up in one way or another. We are all screwy, each and every one of us has something deep down that we have to struggle with. What I think is important is the ability to handle these matters while also being able to accept the help of others if wanted. After all, this is a partnership we are talking about.

There is no need to feel the slings and arrows of hurt for the sake of love, but we do it anyway because we can’t seem to have one without the other. But you can limit how much bullshit you deal with by taking care of yourself and being there for whoever it is you have the fortune and misfortune of loving. This is a precious thing, this horrible and deranged emotion that can give someone the idea that they can do anything, it’s just that good. So don’t screw it up by being brash, hasty or just plain stupid. Because if you do, you’ll have a face full of splinters and maybe, just maybe, an STD.